Castro buys land in America, runs for President

The aging Fidel Castro has left Cuba to purchase land in Florida. Rumor has it, he's trying to become a citizen.

When questioned during his recent arrival, Castro stated "Hillary wants to force reform in Cuba, and if I know the American people, they are dumb enough to vote her into the highest office. I have to leave now, team up with Obama, and move to a place where I can still make a difference."

"I was actually born in America," said Castro during an interview, "and according to the American constitution, I am legally allowed to run for President. Being somewhat of a leader myself, I've been described by my people as ruthless, savage, heartless, rights-burglar, turd-nerfer, illegal immigrant-supporter, and victim-hurter. After studying Hillary's campaign, I know I would make a good Democrat."